A month after July 4, 2008

It is already a month? I’m sorry Cik Shai for not updating. And to be frank, I think you’re the only one keen on reading my blog. I’m having soooooooooooooooooooooo much fun over here, time is only a blink away.

First & foremost, I looooove my ‘company’ so much. Here, we’re divided into groups and we called it company. Our classroom is our office and we have our own CEO, Deputy, and heads of various department. Being the outstanding yet gila glam me, I voluntered myself to be the deputy, only knowing later I’ve another girl, nominated by others to fight. Of course I didn’t won. Who me to compare with that cute little girl, but I know, I have more capabilities than her (hehe, ayat riak x hengat)

We called ourselves Greenity. I know, it sounds tacky and dodgy. I’ve tried my very best to shed away the dodginess, hence Greenity is definitely acceptable. And guess what?? I’m the admin of Greenity’s blog. Alaaa, u know la me kan, always enthusiastic to do this & that. But no matter how dodgy Greenity is, we, somehow clicked together. Since day 1. No matter where we go, we sticked together. It’s like we’re destined to be together to interwined and create history. Haha!!

So far, we had 3 major programmes. The first was Telematch, which we miserably failed. I’ve knew it from the start. All of us, we’re not dat athletic and mind you, guys is definitely an endangered species over here. Because of that, I decided to have group cheers. Jismin and cheer have been associated since birth. I get to go  to Bukit Merah Laketown Resort with the whole MARESMART’s sport team, as th team manager really appreciated my spirits in conducting those cheers. Sugoi – ne?? And so we took our time of from practicing for our Musical Day performance and we focus on the Group Cheer. Along the way, some of my colleagues suggested that we have Poster and big Playcard holding each letter for GREENITY. Who knows, our effort was recognized by the Vice President, Human Capital Management of Khazanah Nasional. Most importantly, moi get noticed. Class you.

As like  said before, we’re prone to arts & creativity department. We managed to get 1st place for our Musical Day. I was the director, main actor, but I truly owed basically everything to my team mates. They did the backdrops and managed the wardrobe brilliantly, I must salute them. We did simple sketches from ‘The Sound Of Music’. At first, all of us just mimed thru the performance. But then, there were few groups that totally dissatisfied we that, and so all of us practice and sing the song, accompanied by faint voices of Maria and the children. So, eat your hearts out competitors.

And today, I just came back from our Teambuilding at Geting. That, will be another entry.

And please believe in me, besides enjoying myself in the GREEN Programme, I have other activities too. Such as the spectacular P Ramlee The Musical that I watched with Shai, Masni, Iza and Farizzett. U guys can read it from Masni’s cool scrap book -blog version of it *Cool Job, Babe!!”

This Sunday, I’ll have the 1st MRSM Gerik Family Day. I’m all set & excited to attend it. Me miss my Gerik frens sooo much.

More stories later, I promise you. And as for now, no pictures inside any entries. The wifi here is too slow, I feel like killing myself while waiting for a page to load.

.minggu lepas. May 15, 2008

Shai bising2 dah, “Cik Jismin x reti2 nk update blog ke?”

Reti cik shai, tp cik jismin malas bangat. Maaf.

Birthday. How was birthday? Being 24, birthday is definitely NOT sweets, sugar & everything nice. It felt so mundane, yet I felt matured. I flee home, seeking comfort & protection from the place I know that could offer me that. Plus, it’s a triple celebration for me. My birthday, Ayah’s birthday & pre- Mother’s Day as I couldn’t come home on the 11th. And also meeting the sisters. Adek as annoying as always and Nana now can wheeled me around Ipoh anytime she is home in her pink Kancil. I like.

I received the most precious birthday present from an unexpected person. Just like Nana said, “Kabel kamu sudah kuat ye”. Huhu, xde la Nana. Biarlah Ibu nak berbaik2 dengan kak yong. Apalah kamu.

I Love You Ibu. To compare the brooch I get for you with this is totally unmatchable. Ayah jangan jeles tau. Hikhik.

Then, last Wednesday, I went for the GREEN programme interview. I know nothing about the management question they asked on the objective paper, but I know I excelled in my interview one-on-one session. It’s the thing I know I can do the best; TALKING. Whether in Malay or English. Sadly, that’s the only skill I learned thru my Uni years. Even better than my programming skills. And thanx to my job, I’m adapting to a better slang and I realize I pronounced things better and with style *haha, apa ko merepek & angkat bangkul ni Jis?*

Let’s hope the outcome is overwhelming

After the interview session, moiself went around Time Square (as the interview was held at the Convention Centre) and went scavenging for good bargain again, and went home with this.

White Dress(RM15), Cute Flat (RM15), DVD – bought previously was Hero,
Nodame & Proposal Daisakusen SP. The new one are Cat Returns
& Kiki’s Delivery Service. The Jay Chou’s DVD is for Madam Shai

Notice that the dress and the shoe bear the same price. I wouldn’t say the flat is that comfy, I need to plaster at the back of my heel or at the back of the shoe to prevent blister. Still, it’s cute. And I’m intended to buy another one with different design, sooner. And I splurge myself again at Mr Ramen. This time, I tried the Asam Laksa Soba. Sgt cair la kuahnya. But I like Tom Yam fried soba. Delicious. The California Handroll is good too, because I normally loathe it. It’s good because I can eat it!! Next time, I want to try the Shabu Shabu steamboat pulak. Anyone to join me?

The scrumptious Asam Laksa Set at MR Ramen

And last weekend, me & Masni decided to got to Bukit Tinggi. I won’t tell much as I’m still waiting for pix from Masni but here’s a glimpse of the place. We invited Shai to tag along but she had some family plan (how’s your Pedas Spring?)

And last night, me & cousin catch the Marie Digby Live in KL showcase at OU. I’m not really a fan of hers, but hey, it’s a free show. Why not come along. I managed to snap few pix of hers, though it’s from the side only. Jadi laaaa.

alhamdulillah April 22, 2008

I’ve lots to tell. the weekends i had, I spent happily with wondrous people. New & old friends, as someone sinically told me; “People can’t stick with you all the time Jis. Find new friends” Well, I have people whom I have befriended more than 10 years. Xyah nak sombong2 ok. Tau la you’re bored with me and the new girl is far interesting than I am.

But with these news I received on just 5 days apart, there’s no words escaped my mouth other than “Alhamdulillah, Syukur Ya Allah”

Yes, I do believe there’s always a reason when sadness storm into our life. I still remembered when I flunked my return class for Data Structure, how I somehow failed my groupmate as well because of my pc was really infected with viruses and chose not to be working well when I was just about to send those files to my lecturer. Ironic, isn’t it. But it’s true. After the incident, I met 4 great people who were close to me back then. One of them was the person who gave the statement above.

In every cloud, there’s a silver lining. Yup, I believe in that.

Today, I missed him the most.

The most that it wretched & squeezed my heart so tight, sometimes I feel I can’t breathe. I’m proud of myself because for the past 2 weeks, I manage to ignore him completely. But I broke all those rules today, I just can’t help it. I felt down & sorrow.

But thanx to my auntie who lend me the book; “You Can Be The Happiest Woman In The World” or in Malay, the book will be called “Jangan Bersedih Lagi”. Some of those words, that reminds me that I still have lots of love filling around me, it elevate the sorrow & empty feelings.

And then, came the sms that informed me that I’m selected for an interview session for the GREEN’s programme. That moment, I was blessed. Blessed & so thankfull to God, I had my sujud syukur there & then without really knowing whether it’s the right way or not.

I am, in the midst of preparing myself for my PTD assesment this weekend. I was, actually, shocked that I passes the PTD test.

Itulah, kuasa Tuhan. Tak ada siapa bole halang. And seriously, I am too thankful to The One for giving me good things after the bad things that happened. I won’t actually called it ‘bad’. Let’s called it ‘unintended’. That sounds better.

Again, it’s the love & support from you peeps that can me a stronger woman. I’m already standing on my own. Just sometimes, I wobble. The supports that you guys gave will hold me a bit longer than usual, Insya Allah.

Terima Kasih, Ya Allah.

p/s: I wish I could share these happiness with him. I wish.

family April 6, 2008

Come rain & shine, catastrophe or bliss, family stick together. Such a unique unit, how they bind and wrapped together.

 

And why am I talking about family?

 

Many of you might not know this, my family functions very weirdly. We’re the losers in saying “I Love You” or “I’m Sorry” (ok shai, maybe your family can share the same trophy). But still, we stick together. We can fight like today’s the end of the world and the next day, we simply catcall each other ‘bodoh’ and laughed about it. No matter how big the arguments & misunderstandings, we attach together.

 

For example, I was furious my dad didn’t take the courtesy to buy me an advance ticket to KL today and landed me a tix at 10.30 am. Imagine, I arrived last Friday at 10 pm and I need to wake early on Saturday for that S*PA test and God knows that will take all day. Which left me few quality times at home. Upon hearing my reply of, “Kak Yong xnak balik pagi2 la Ayah. Penat tau”, the dead silence tone on my handphone is clearly the sign of my father being pissed off at me.

 

The good thing is, I didn’t sulk or being sarcastic as I always be (see, I told that certain person, I’ve grown up) and my Father talked to me back first thing in the morning. And we can simply talk like normal father-daughter as if nothing happened (which of course I said my sorry, xmo jd anak derhaka). See, that’s a family.

 

And all these whie, I always thought and assume that person is my family. Yes, I was right. But I was never that person’s family. Although the whole of that person’s family including uncle, aunts and org kampung had known me, I’m STILL NOT A FAMILY. Although I had been angry, mad, broken hearted, devastated, lack of trust and sad; I forgive that person. Because family forgive each other. Family can’t be mad at each other for that long. Family laugh at mistakes that we assume was big at that moment but turned out to be ridiculously silly later. We laugh, accept, forgive & forget because we are family. So, what’s the point having a relationship with a person who doesn’t think you dearly as family? I guess this is goodbye then.

 

I know it will be hard, it won’t be an easy ride. But I have others. Although all the people I love tend to leave me, I still have those people who love me. Old & new friends, far or near, they are there for me. Not all the the times, definitely. They have their own life to mend & attend. But they will try their best to be here & support me. Aite, babes?

 

I would like to borrow Babe’s motto: I’m a strong, beautiful, independent woman. Hear me roar!!

They are times I will feel down & low, please, help me to pick up myself. They will be times when I think there’s no point in doing anything, please slap me to give me a wake up call. They are times when I just simply need you to be there for me, please, support me. I want to have a new life & beginning.

 

I.Want.A.Life. Period

permulaan baru April 1, 2008

Apa rasanya berpindah blog? Perlu ke ada sesuatu rasa yang lain? Hebat sangatkah bila berpindah blog?

Tidak. Berpindah blog adalah satu perkara yang biasa.

Walaupun biasa, tapi aku rasa ia sesuatu yang luar biasa. Ada 2 sebab:

1. Sebab aku seorang yang setia. Datanglah Myspace ke Facebook, aku tetap dgn Friendster. Ini contoh sahaja. Pendek kata, aku setia.

2. Aku ingin lari dr beberapa org. Org yg have too much info about me & i regretted telling them that. Yup, I need to run from them. Kalo x nanti, harus aku kena ugut kurung dalam reban sbb x update. Tapi, tu kisah dulu. Abaikan.

So, di sinilah aku akhirnya. Rebranding my own self? Is there such things? I have no idea. But that’s what I’m trying to do.

4 months ago I came to KL to start a whole new life. I was hurt by my then BF. Partly were his fault and the other half landed on me. It was not a good thing. Waktu itu, aku percaya aku tabah. Aku bole hidup tanpa dia. Aku dh bersedia utk hidup tanpa dia.

I came to KL, search for jobs without him knowing and he only knew the fact when I had the first interview with my current job. He was not happy then. And I spilled to him my unhappiness. I WAS, arrogant. But deep down, all I want was not to be hurt with the same issues & excuses.

I said things. Stupid, arrogant things. Things which I regretted saying them. Tapi, dah terlajak cakap, memanglah payah untuk diundur.

Oh yes, he was hurt. I don’t know where he get those courage to still come & see me, talk to me even persuaded me to be with him. It took so much for a man like him, such big pride and ego; to admit and pleads to me. It’s like Man U scoring 4 nil in the match with Arsenal. That good. And being the spoiled ordinary girl, I easily fell to his words and charms. I didn’t admit it, but I gave him lots of chances.

And then I blew it. I blew everything. Aku secara x langsung buat dia mcm kuli. It was unintended, but that’s what I did. And things never goes the same. Then, the biggest bomb landed;

“I don’t have any feelings towards you”

I ….. was utterly clueless, speechless and have lost all sense & direction hearing those words. All these time, the only thing that I’m always certain in my life, is him. No matter what happened, I know, he will always love me. Which clearly made me this intolerable girl that learn she can do anything and the bf will love her back. I didn’t realize at first. It came quite late to my senses actually & regretted it so much.

Funny isn’t it, you realize so many things when the unexpected happens. I realize, I was never supportive of what he is doing. That I kind of loathe the things he likes. I don’t know why. And after some hard thinking, I knew the answer. I’m just plainly perfectionist like my mother, which actually I tried very hard not to be. I kinda hate her personality but still loves and adore her as my mum. I’m everything I hate about my mum.

And bloody perfectionist.

I’m no difference than Zaniel in Shai’s new novel, Plain Jane. I love to construct things. I’ll be honoured if I can change something ugly or not useful to another great invention. That is just me. Which explains why I always kinda fell for guys that have big ego & pride (same goes to friends).

Let’s look at the history: I was soooo in love with Conner McDermott from SVH which clearly a chauvinist, Domyouji of HYD, bit of Mr Darcy; you get the idea. Because I want to take the credits when they become a better them. Yes, I do. And he, he plainly love me the way I am. Never changes a single thing, never complain anything. Love me for me. I kind of drag him to do the things he loathe. And he did it, because he wants to make me happy. Such guy, he can do so much, but I just couldn’t see it. Why? Ok, he is a nice guy, with big ego & pride.

And kepunyaan diri yang tinggi, as he said so.

At this moment, I clearly felt like Makino in Hana Yori Dango Return: Episode 10. The time when Domyouji knocked his head and remembers everything except for Makino. How Makino tried to reminiscence the memories they had together. And how Domyouji will yell & shout because he is irritated by her. That’s me. Me = Makino. And yes, he’s my Domyouji. The way he loved, the way he expresses things. He’s clearly my Domyouji. And because I’m Makino Tsukushi(Strong Weed), I’ll never stop trying.

I am indeed a complete thick face-delusional-moron.

They said, forget him. But I can’t. Not at this moment, at this time. I can’t. I need to fight. I need to know at least I tried. 6 years is a long time. 6 yrs, a kid can go to a kindergarden. A tree can bear fruits. The house will look old & mousy. 6 years. I’ll be mad if I just let go my 6 years like that.

Over some misunderstanding and arrogance that we both have.

It’s the support from you that I need. So I know at least I’m not that delusional & moron at all. Support me will you?

p/s: ok shai, I tried to write wittily in Malay like you but I just plainly can’t. I accidentally switch back to English unpurposely. Teach me how to be like you.

p/s: Lesson need to learn: How to Support Your BF When You Doesn’t Agree with his Hobbies?? Anyone?